Sex & Sexuality

Oy Vey! It’s Kosher Porn!

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Kosher Porn  is a new collection of funny pick-up lines just for Jews, written by humorist Sarah Rosen and illustrated with photos by Tom Stokes. It’s based on Rosen’s popular dating blog, Porn4Jews. And it’s hilarious.

Rosen started her blog after a year and a half of post-college dating, during which, she writes, “I encountered many eligible bachelors who reaffirmed what I WASN’T looking for in a match. But I also began to home in on the qualities that I was looking for.” Which were? “I liked the dark-haired smart ones who were family oriented, seriously funny, and fully equipped to say the blessings at Shabbos dinner with my parents.”

In other words? She wanted a nice Jewish boy.

Rosen decided to explore her “traditional Bubbe-approved taste in romantic partners” through a blog that combined age-old Jewish values with modern-day memes. All with irreverent wit.

The cover of Kosher Porn shows a sexy mensch who gazes at the reader with bedroom eyes . . . as he lights a menorah. (And the author photo is of a curly-haired Jewish temptress who is, naturally, eating rugelach.)

Inside is series of photos of adorable Jewish twentysomethings, uttering pickup lines like:

You’re Jewish? Can I check?

You had me at Shalom.

My shul or yours?

Tonight’s the first night of Pesach. Let’s practice reclining.

If you’re free later, they’re showing Schindler’s List at the JCC.

I went to Camp Ben-Yehuda too!

Let’s have a bunch of kids and name them all Josh.

Guess where I hid the Afikomen?

I grew up Reform but I’d go Reconstructionist for you.

I’m so glad our therapists introduced us.

Just meeting you made me want to break a glass.

I can’t believe we had the same Torah portion!

Let’s spend a romantic weekend . . . at my Bubbe’s in Florida.

I only keep it Kosher in the kitchen.

I’m more than just a nice piece of tuches.

I’ll love you almost as much as your mom does.

Stay the night. I’ll make you challah French toast in the morning.

Next year in Jerusalem? How about right here, right now.

Kosher Porn is a giggle to read. But it’s also a nifty illustration of the way, with laughter, what’s traditional and what’s modern can successfully mix. And even match.

If you happen to be searching for a perfect Jewish mate, here’s one way to tell if you’ve met “The One.” Give him—or her—a copy of this book. If they he—or she—doesn’t crack a smile, keep looking.

 

Join the conversation

  • Kelly February 4, 2015 at 9:49 pm

    Sounds funny!

    Reply
  • Angela Weight February 3, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    this is awesome. She’s my kind of writer. I wish I were Jewish so I could laugh at the ones I don’t get.

    Reply
  • Deborah Harkins February 3, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    Oy vey indeed! No, Ellensue, there’s no deeper meaning in the title “Koshner Porn” (which was the wording when Roz’s column was originally posted). The editor (that would be me) had retyped the title, and somehow that N sneaked in. Luckily, Roz caught the typo early this morning (STOP THE PRESSES was her email’s subject line.) A typo in a title! Oy veh!

    Reply
  • Nina February 3, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    So funny!!

    Reply
  • Helene Cohen Bludman February 3, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    OMG, hilarious! I LOL’ed at each one. I must get this ASAP

    Reply
  • Suzanne Fluhr February 3, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    I was raised by an atheist who claimed he wasn’t anything (if you asked his religion), but he would have “gotten” all of these (as do I) which means he was Jewish—as my mother always insisted. She used the “Would Hitler have considered you oven fodder for the Final Solution” test for determining Jewishness. “Do you laugh at this book?” is a much nicer test.

    Reply
  • Lana February 3, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    So funny! Sounds like a great book. Give me a funny man any day.

    Reply
  • Stacia Friedman February 3, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    Sounds like the perfect Valentine’s gift for every single Jewish woman (and man) uner 35. (After 35, single Jews don’t want gifts on Valentine’s. They want anti-depressants and airfare to anywhere.)

    Reply
  • Mickey February 3, 2015 at 11:15 am

    Oh, sorry about the typo. “..she is always (etc.) complaining about…how she” correction: “CAN’T, hasn’t met …”

    Reply
  • Mickey February 3, 2015 at 11:13 am

    Oh, thank you so much, Roz! I want to send this book to a ‘nice Jewish’ woman I know living across the bridge (I don’t know which one) from Manhattan and she is always, always, always! complaining about how boring it is where she lives, and how she can meet the man (nice and observant Jewish) of her dreams, how difficult it is to be observant, and so on. She might not appreciate this book but eh! Thanks again!

    Reply
  • Doreen McGettigan February 3, 2015 at 11:07 am

    I really appreciate when someone can take such a serious task as finding a life mate and make it fun.
    This is hysterical and I agree no smile, move on!

    Reply
  • Rena McDaniel February 3, 2015 at 10:37 am

    These are so seriously funny! I was dying laughing reading the whole thing and I’m not even Jewish!

    Reply
  • Carol Cassara February 3, 2015 at 9:49 am

    Hilarious stuff! I am sending this to some friends who would really get a laugh out of it, too.

    Reply
  • ellen sue spicer-jacobson February 3, 2015 at 8:54 am

    Adorable! I will have to read it just for the fun it.
    Is the extra N in the title on purpose?
    ellensue

    Reply