A dream about eating corn on the cob symbolizes a deep desire to floss. 

Winged Horse

Dreaming about a winged horse means you’re tired of your commute.


A dream about Elvis indicates that you’re old enough for an AARP membership.

George Clooney

A dream about George Clooney is so common as to be meaningless.


A dream about shrubbery symbolizes that your husband was a lot more fun to kiss before he grew that moustache.


A dream encounter with a kangaroo means it’s time to renew your zoo membership.

Being Asleep

A dream about being asleep is redundant.


Dreaming about a librarian means that although you think you returned all your library books, one actually fell out of your tote bag and is still sitting in your trunk, accruing overdue fines.


A lightning strike in a dream is an indication that you’d like to kill your boss.

Squashed Ant

A dream in which an ant gets squashed means that your boss would like to kill you.


A dream about eyelashes means that you read too many fashion magazines.


A dream about Kardashians means that the world is going to hell in a handbasket.


A dream about entrails means that you’d better not forget your mother-in-law’s upcoming birthday.


A dream about a thunderstorm means that your husband is snoring again.


A knife may appear in your dream to indicate that when you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way.


A dream containing a scale indicates that you need to stop gobbling chocolate chip cookies before bedtime.


Dreaming of an elephant means your husband needs to stop gobbling chocolate chip cookies before bedtime.


Dreaming of a raging fire means you forgot to turn down the thermostat before you went to bed. (Or else it’s just another hot flash.)


Dreaming of a waterfall means you left the water running.


To see muscles in your dream suggests that you have some unresolved  Schwarzeneggerian issues. (So does a dream about zippers.)


Dreaming of riding in a taxi indicates that when you wake up extra early tomorrow morning and rush out the door to make sure that you get to that important meeting on time, your car isn’t going to start.

A Pig Being Cleaned

Dreaming of a pig being cleaned means you think dream interpretation is a bunch of hogwash.


Join the conversation

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  • Anne Gibbons February 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Dreaming that you’ve gained weight and can’t fit into your jeans means you will be very happy on waking up.

    Thanks, Roz!

  • Isy January 30, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Very funny. I have one to add. Dreaming that you are trudging through the tundra in Alaska means your husband has stolen the blankets.

  • honeysucklevine January 25, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Loved the humor in this piece….

  • RozWarren January 25, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Great, laugh-out-loud comments! Thanks, everyone.

  • Maria January 25, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Dreaming of Arnold Schwarzenegger is a warning you’re about to let go of any discriminating taste or good sense. I, too, loved the knife and Jets dream.

  • Lisa REhfuss January 25, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Roz has great insight, a quick wit and these interpreted dreams gave me a chuckle and a bit of reflection!

  • irene January 24, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    i love remembering, and being re-membered, by my dreams and i love this clever piece. I would rather read “partner” than “husband,”though, ’cause that word always turns my stomach a little and also reminds me of agriculture (husbandry) so the experience of the word is discordant for me either way. What proportion of your devoted readers have husbands i wonder. Keep on dreamin’ and writing!

  • Sender the klopper January 24, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Dreaming of a cappuccino means you went to sleep way too soon. Dreaming of electric sheep means you read too much old science fiction. Dreaming of old Kathleen Turner movies means you’re an American male of a certain age.

  • Andy Johnson January 24, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Laughed out loud! Thanks.

  • Stacia Friedman January 24, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    I dreamed I woke up my cat in the middle of the night and yowled until she made me Eggs Benedict, hot coffee and fresh squeezed orange juice.

  • Ruth Nathan January 24, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Laughed out loud over the knife dream! Great list.

  • Just One Boomer January 24, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Dreaming of a unisom bottle means you dream you could dream.

  • Anne Beidler January 24, 2012 at 9:15 am

    I wish I had funny dreams like this. I mostly dream of lists of the things I need to do. I sometimes dream of creative pieces I want to make. I am basically a very practical dreamer. Or else completely stressed out. . .

    thanks again for the great laughs Roz!! xoxo Anne

  • Kate January 24, 2012 at 9:05 am

    This is one of my favorite pieces ever. As a teenager, my sister had the classic dream of being a hermit crab who lived in bowl and wrote poetry.

  • Mark Lowe January 24, 2012 at 9:05 am

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read in some time. I would expect to read humor writing at this level in the New Yorker, so I’m very happy to see it here.

  • hillsmom January 24, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Thanks for the smiles, but one small change for you to contemplate.

    Dreaming of a waterfall means you better get up and go to the loo…