Forget leaping tall buildings in a single bound, deflecting bullets with magic bracelets, or having the super-strength to clobber bad guys. Here are a few superpowers I’d really love to have.
Being able to effortlessly give a pill to the cat without getting my arm torn off.
Always choosing the fastest-moving line at the supermarket.
Knowing exactly the right words to get a sullen teen to open up and have a conversation, then smile and say “I love you, Mom.”
Being able to remove all the fats, sugar and calories from a large slice of pie without affecting any of the yummy taste.
Opening directly to the steamy pages of any bestseller.
Summoning the right devastating retort whenever somebody says something offensive or disrespectful. Instantly! Not two hours later.
Always finding a parking space right in front of my destination.
Refraining from blurting out “I got it at Target” every time anyone compliments my attire or décor.
Magically making a cop appear to hand a fat speeding ticket to anybody who scares me half to death by rocketing past me at 90 m.p.h. on the freeway.
Always getting the seat on a plane that has an empty seat next to it. And is nowhere near the howling baby.
Alternatively, being able to magically calm and quiet any howling baby.
Choosing exactly the right scarf to go with that outfit.
Recognizing “Mr. Right” the moment I meet him instead of looking back, years later, and realizing that he was “The One.”
Being able to transfer any huge ugly bug or small, fast-moving rodent I find in my house back to its natural habitat without actually touching it.
Giving fast-onset laryngitis to anybody loudly blathering on a cell phone in public.
I’d also like the power to sincerely forgive anyone who has annoyed me enough to make me want to clobber them. But that might be asking too much, even when it comes to superpowers.
California painter Julia Kay thought her three-year Daily Portrait blog was just for her. But since then, it has meant much more, for her life, her art, and for her community (including us.)
As always, my children and husband have enriched my emotional education and taught me some things about Thanksgiving.
"Who's bringing breakfast tomorrow?" I asked. The tiny hesitation before her answer told me that my relief had been premature. I closed my eyes even before her words were out. "Uhm, Mama? I forgot to tell you..."
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Another great one, Roz!
Jody, alas, we both know that to be true!
What a great list, Roz! I like the one about speaking to sullen adolescents the best. Sometimes they aren’t even adolescents anymore, but the power is still required….
I have parking karma. 90% of the time I get rock star parking.
I guess I’m just blessed.
This essay has a sweet feeling to it! I will work on manifesting some of these excellent ideas for superpowers~
I instantly related to every, single wish. It would be cool if I always left my glasses in the same spot.
Another wonderful, hilarious essay! Brillant ideas, as is Joan’s.
As always, funny, yet touching writing from dear RW!!
Joan what a GREAT idea!!! I was howling with laughter when I read it.
I’ve always wanted to power to give anyone debilitating diarrhea telepathically. Not only would it stop crime and evil, (not that I’ve ever fired a gun, but I imagine it would be hard to aim if I were doubled over) but it would give me a great deal of satisfaction. Think of the social change I could affect. No evil lobbyist could influence my reps if they were constrained to the toilet.