By B. Elliott

We know it's not about white gloves or smiles anymore.

During the past holiday season, WVFC received several questions that fell under the general heading “How to Handle Awkward Situations.” Seasoned women of the world, we nonetheless often found ourselves at a loss, or even in disagreement, as to how to answer.

That’s when we turned to B. Elliott, friend and frequent WVFC commenter—a grounded, gracious woman who is naturally adept at “doing the right thing” in our quickly evolving culture. Her response below shows as much. 

And so a new Q&A column is born. Feel free to contact Ms. Elliott at WFVC for solutions to your troublesome social problems. Just address your query to B. Elliott and type it into the comment box at the bottom of the post.—Ed.

Dear B. Elliott:

Is it required that I bring a gift to a cocktail party or dinner party? I am working nonstop, have no personal time, and have a very limited budget. I always send a thank-you note.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        —Crazed in Chicago

Dear Crazed:

It’s complicated to know what to do in this situation, since so many of our friends and acquaintances seem to have everything they need and we fear that we are adding to their problems by giving them a gift they will have to dispose of.  It is even hard to buy a book these days, since your hostess may have transferred to e-books or you may not know her well enough to reliably select something that suits her taste.

Still, my answer to you is, “Yes, you should bring a gift.” It is helpful to remember that your hostess, too, has been working nonstop, and has spent both time and money to ensure that you have a pleasant social experience. Your question brought to mind my friend Mindy, recently downsized. She is now employed again, but working two part-time jobs; she has a child in nursery school, no help, and limited funds. Yet she ALWAYS brings a small gift—even just cute paper cocktail napkins. Truly, it is the thought that counts; thoughtfulness is always appreciated.

You can get around the time/money problem by buying some appropriate items when they are on sale. Perhaps you could purchase a case of affordable wine that you like, as well as some wine sleeves. Get a spool of grosgrain ribbon at a fabric or crafts store when the price is right, and you will be set for a dozen outings and will look as if you’ve fussed. None of these items is onerous to store. So stockpile some hostess gifts soon, and you will feel happier and less harried. Do continue to send notes of thanks—a nice touch in addition to a next-day phone call.

Look for more responses to your hostess/guest questions that are already awaiting me in our “in-box.”