Hilarious piece called How To Lie About Your Age by Danielle Crittenden. Now she’ll get some people’s knickers in a twist, but this terrific writer who just turned 45 always keeps tongue firmly planted in a surgically unaltered cheek. Instead of plastic surgery as one enters what she declares The Lying Years –

Let me propose a more discreet way to enter this stage. Not only is it easier, but you will forever look fabulous for your age without having to resort to surgery: Instead of dropping years, add them.

In my case, I look fine for a 45-year-old. I’m a tired 40-year-old. I’m a haggard 35-year-old. But I’m an astonishing 50-year-old. Go on, check the seams: the jaw-line is pillowing slightly so no intervention there; there are crinkles at the eyes, topography on the forehead. I defy you to detect signs of insurgency.

Wow, you will say to yourself. What’s her secret? What’s her diet? How on earth does she do it? The truth will remain between me and the passport office.

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