Does nature purposely pair cheapskates with spendthrifts to enrich the gene pool? I don’t know, but my mother had a decidedly more generous attitude. She had grown up in poverty and wanted to give her daughters everything she never had. A refrigerator filled with juicy steaks and roasts, cupboards packed with cookies and cakes, closets bursting with pretty dresses and all the toys, games and books a child could want. Nothing was for herself. Everything was “for the children.” Indulging us gave her pleasure. Of course, that meant hiding her credit cards and bills from my father. The tension was palpable.
When my parents retired and moved to a condo in Boca, for which Dad paid cash, I thought things would calm down. Not a chance. “Now that he doesn’t work, he follows me around the supermarket and drives me crazy pointing out which brands are the cheapest,” she said. “I could kill him.” Fortunately, she didn’t. Instead, she forbade him to accompany her on grocery trips.
My attitude toward money is more like my mother’s and grandfather’s, but it is also tempered by my father’s aversion to debt. When I crave a shopper’s high, I don’t go to Saks, I go to a consignment store and hunt for a designer blouse. For one dollar! However, I feel pleasure, not pain, when I enter the King of Prussia Mall, dine at an upscale restaurant, or treat myself to an apple–no matter what the price.
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I’m not a psychologist, but it seems to me that the spenders in my family tended to be extroverted, fun loving and optimistic. By comparison, my frugal relatives were introverted, anti-social and prone to worry. They worried because they never had “enough.” Someone else always had “more.” And the next economic crisis was always just around the corner. Could it be that both extremes are flip sides of the same coin? The spender who has to have the latest $3,000 designer shoes, even though she has fifty pairs in her closet, probably experiences the same temporary feelings of empowerment as the person who stuffs rolls into her purse at Old Country Buffet.
Studies show that tightwads account for 25% of the population and spendthrifts account for 25%. Most of us are somewhere in between. But it’s nice to know that no matter where you fall in the spectrum, chances are you’ll end up with someone who is your polar opposite, because that’s how Mother Nature balances accounts.
I don’t know if frugality is in my gene pool, but the endorphin high of finding a gorgeous designer blouse in a consignment shop for a fraction of the original price definitely is.
Well, you can’t take it with you.
Your parents sound EXACTLY like my parents. Except with the opposite gender exhibiting the behavior. My Dad loved spoiling us girls, giving us everything his orphaned childhood didn’t give him. My mom, on the other hand, found herself the head of her parents household after college and (as a close family friend likes to say) she can make $1 buy $1.25 worth of stuff. I hope that I fall in the middle.
YES! Great post. I think many of us have a little bit of both–I do like spending and when we weren’t retired, I did more of it then I do now. My mom was a widow raising 3 children so we were always on a budget. My husband has always been good about spending. And the couple thing? I do have a set of friends who both love to spend money. It’s been very hard for them over the years, though now I think they’re okay. Thanks, Beth
We have both in my extended family. We seem to be one or the other. I know which one I am! You may not be a psychologist, but you hit this nail on the head.
“I’m not a psychologist, but it seems to me that the spenders in my family tended to be extroverted, fun loving and optimistic. By comparison, my frugal relatives were introverted, anti-social and prone to worry. They worried because they never had “enough.” Someone else always had “more.”
Interesting research. I fit into the T/W category, but perhaps not to the extreme. I hesitate to spend money on non-necessities.