“Parenting,” not a common word in our parents’ generation, now attracts a billion dollar industry of advice experts.

While there have been great social changes in the past 50 years, with women entering the workforce en mass, sometimes bringing home bigger paychecks than their husbands, the division of domestic chores has not kept pace. Many women still feel like they do the lion’s share of the work at home, a “second shift,” in addition to their paying jobs.

The paradox of parenthood is that while this overarching connection and investment in your children is essential, being a good mother also requires that you let them become themselves.