Articles written by: "Roz Warren"

Baby Names, Teeth, God and LSD

August 25, 2015 by Roz Warren

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By Roz Warren

Last week a patron at the suburban library where I work spent five minutes telling a colleague all about why (and exactly how) she should use a water pic. This inspired me to log onto my favorite Facebook Librarian Hangout to ask: “What’s the oddest thing a library patron has ever said to you?”

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This Essay Needs a Better Title

July 24, 2015 by Roz Warren

By Roz Warren

Titling has been never my strong suit. Writing a publishable essay? I can do that! But coming up with an amazing title for that essay? Not so much. Thank God for editors! And Facebook!

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The Cactus Thief and the Would-Be Library Lap Dancer

June 5, 2015 by Roz Warren

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By Roz Warren

Our favorite librarian polled her fellow shelvers in order to make this list of Outrageous Questions People Ask Librarians. Under the “Hanky-Panky” Category: “Last week, a patron asked me to have sex with him in the alley.”

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CHANGE: Roz Warren’s Response to our March Challenge

March 30, 2015 by Roz Warren

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By Roz Warren

I doubt I’ll ever dress up as an alien space monster and attend a “Doctor Who” convention. But who knows?

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On the Money: A Female Face on the $20 Bill!

March 21, 2015 by Roz Warren

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By Roz Warren

What female face deserves to replace Andrew Jackson’s on the $20 bill?

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How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse or Repel an Irate Library Patron

February 15, 2015 by Roz Warren

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By Roz Warren

In the wake of a major disaster or calamity, promises “The Survival Handbook,” you’ll . . . know how to make a radio antenna with a Slinky, revive a dead car battery with aspirin, and start a fire with potato chips.

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Oy Vey! It’s Kosher Porn!

February 3, 2015 by Roz Warren

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By Roz Warren

The cover of “Kosher Porn” shows a sexy mensch who gazes at the reader with bedroom eyes . . . as he lights a menorah.

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What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?

December 30, 2014 by Roz Warren

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New Year’s Eve plans, from the exultant (“Getting married on New Year’s Eve has long been a dream of ours that finally came together”) to the sour (“I make it my mission to go to bed before the ball drops.”)

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Parenting Is a Joke

December 6, 2014 by Roz Warren

Click here to purchase on Amazon.com. Proceeds from your purchase help fund Women’s Voices‘ nonprofit mission.

By Roz Warren

Thanks to Twitter, when an amateur comic who is also a parent cracks a good joke, the world listens! And if you need a good laugh, you should, too. Check out this sampling of the best wit, wisdom, and wisecracks from “The Big Book of Parenting Tweets.”

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Retire! Dance! Die! But First, Pass the Chocolate: Boomers According to Google

November 22, 2014 by Roz Warren

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Roz Warren

Are boomers evil? . . . doomed? . . . or simply the most selfish generation ever?

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Today Is World Vegan Day. So Why Aren’t I a Vegan?

November 1, 2014 by Roz Warren

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By Roz Warren

You wake up in the morning and vow: Today is the day! I’m really going to do this thing. You stay Plant Strong, Just Saying No to the many non-vegan choices that are offered to you. Then, one too-tempting nibble of this or tiny taste of that and—bam!—you’re merely a vegetarian. Or, worse, a carnivore.

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Too Female for Comfort; or, How a Woman Becomes “the Other”

October 25, 2014 by Roz Warren

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By Roz Warren

In which a passenger on an El Al flight from New York refuses to be seated next to a woman. To give a religious reason for the refusal, writes the woman affected, “doesn’t excuse the insult.”

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Doctor My Eyes: The Ultimate Cataract-Surgery Mix Tape

October 11, 2014 by Roz Warren

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By Roz Warren

QUESTION: “What’s the best song to sing to your doctor before cataract surgery?”

ANSWER: “I Only Have Eyes For You.”

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Jasmine Tridevil’s Tale

September 27, 2014 by Roz Warren

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By Roz Warren

A wry look at the year’s most appalling publicity stunt.

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How to Break Your Toe in One Easy Step

August 16, 2014 by Roz Warren

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Roz Warren

Roz Warren’s Facebook friends find many inventive ways to snap a toe. For instance, “I broke my big toe coming down from a headstand.”

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