Comments on: Aging Parents and Dealing with Siblings http://womensvoicesforchange.org/aging-parents-and-dealing-with-siblings.htm Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:40:09 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Carole Wolek http://womensvoicesforchange.org/aging-parents-and-dealing-with-siblings.htm/comment-page-1#comment-40970 Carole Wolek Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:32:26 +0000 http://womensvoicesforchange.org/aging-parents-and-dealing-with-siblings.htm#comment-40970 I agree with you 100 percent. It is so easy for someone to accuse you of being a control freak when in reality there is no one else around to help you make any decisions and when they do come around they have so much "advice" for you on how to do things. I know because I am in the same situation. I am caregiver for my Mom who is 89 years old and I have a sister who lives far away. She visits once a year and has a lot to say when she visits, but then she goes back home for another year. What good is that! Mom, on the other hand, can be so abusive to me that at times I feel like giving up. Is there any justice anywhere? I agree with you 100 percent. It is so easy for someone to accuse you of being a control freak when in reality there is no one else around to help you make any decisions and when they do come around they have so much “advice” for you on how to do things. I know because I am in the same situation. I am caregiver for my Mom who is 89 years old and I have a sister who lives far away. She visits once a year and has a lot to say when she visits, but then she goes back home for another year. What good is that!
Mom, on the other hand, can be so abusive to me that at times I feel like giving up. Is there any justice anywhere?

]]> By: Susan Young http://womensvoicesforchange.org/aging-parents-and-dealing-with-siblings.htm/comment-page-1#comment-30050 Susan Young Sat, 02 Jan 2010 00:58:45 +0000 http://womensvoicesforchange.org/aging-parents-and-dealing-with-siblings.htm#comment-30050 Mercifully my 80 year-old mother is still managing in her own home. However I have been cast in the thankless role of decision maker and financial advisor by virtue of geography and, like the author of this article, the denial and inertia on the part of my older siblings who live on the other side of the country. I only happen to live 650 miles away!!! My mother is the last of six siblings, 2 of whom died of Alzheimer's - one being her twin sister. I prefer to be realistic and pro-active, rather than having to face a crisis unprepared. My siblings would not participate in any discussions I tried to initiate about Mom's future living arrangements and finanical affairs, etc. Eventually, Mom actually asked me to be her POA and listed me as Executrix of her estate. At first I refused, as I didn't want to do battle with my siblings - and I was pretty sure it would get to that -but it was my mom who insisted. I initially tried to keep my siblings informed and "in the loop" until my sister acused me of plotting and declared that no "normal" person would keep a log on their mother as I had been doing after I had noticed her doing some odd things, and having trouble with her dates, and banking etc. My sister followed up by serving notice that I will have to answer to her and my brother for the decisions I make on my mother's behalf. My brother has just stepped out of my life and hasn't communicated with me on any level for 4 or 5 years. I marvel at their shortsightedness in alienating the very person who has picked up the slack for years while they have lived in ignorant bliss, visiting her for a week once a year at best. I believe that my siblings are feeling guilty because they can't or won't be more involved in Mom's affairs - and so by denying that there is anything to be concerned about, they relieve themselves of any responsibility. It is very convenient and self-serving for them to vilify me as the control freak. I suggest that anytime someone accuses another of being controlling, perhaps she/he had better examine their own role in the situation. If there is a void, someone has to step in to fill it. Mercifully my 80 year-old mother is still managing in her own home. However I have been cast in the thankless role of decision maker and financial advisor by virtue of geography and, like the author of this article, the denial and inertia on the part of my older siblings who live on the other side of the country. I only happen to live 650 miles away!!!

My mother is the last of six siblings, 2 of whom died of Alzheimer’s – one being her twin sister. I prefer to be realistic and pro-active, rather than having to face a crisis unprepared. My siblings would not participate in any discussions I tried to initiate about Mom’s future living arrangements and finanical affairs, etc. Eventually, Mom actually asked me to be her POA and listed me as Executrix of her estate. At first I refused, as I didn’t want to do battle with my siblings – and I was pretty sure it would get to that -but it was my mom who insisted.

I initially tried to keep my siblings informed and “in the loop” until my sister acused me of plotting and declared that no “normal” person would keep a log on their mother as I had been doing after I had noticed her doing some odd things, and having trouble with her dates, and banking etc. My sister followed up by serving notice that I will have to answer to her and my brother for the decisions I make on my mother’s behalf.

My brother has just stepped out of my life and hasn’t communicated with me on any level for 4 or 5 years. I marvel at their shortsightedness in alienating the very person who has picked up the slack for years while they have lived in ignorant bliss, visiting her for a week once a year at best.

I believe that my siblings are feeling guilty because they can’t or won’t be more involved in Mom’s affairs – and so by denying that there is anything to be concerned about, they relieve themselves of any responsibility. It is very convenient and self-serving for them to vilify me as the control freak. I suggest that anytime someone accuses another of being controlling, perhaps she/he had better examine their own role in the situation. If there is a void, someone has to step in to fill it.

]]> By: Deeni http://womensvoicesforchange.org/aging-parents-and-dealing-with-siblings.htm/comment-page-1#comment-2568 Deeni Sun, 01 Feb 2009 07:07:24 +0000 http://womensvoicesforchange.org/aging-parents-and-dealing-with-siblings.htm#comment-2568 Thought this article was decent and proposes some possible issues regarding sibs. Jo Thought this article was decent and proposes some possible issues regarding sibs.
Jo

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